BrightRedScream

2006-12-21T21:41:00.000-08:00

i'm a terrible person.

2006-11-12T08:16:00.000-08:00

Best Friends Forever

what do people hope for ? can we ever be completely prepared ? and if we're always perpetually prepared for the future, how do we enjoy the present ? or is the present not meant for enjoyment in the first place, and our whole life is a constant preparation of what is to come, or what is not to come ? the concept of eternity is elusive and a matter of perception, can anyone actually fathom the duration of forever ? the instant when time stops and u still exist, and live but all bearing of time is lost. do the feelings that follow reek of desperation, or is it an overwhelming peace ? what ? i don't really know what my point is. will u be able to understand what i'm saying, if i tell u explicitly that every word from my mouth bears several meanings ?
honestly, probably only one person in this world would comprehend my intention.

my dear lover,
let me help you out of your misery.

2006-11-11T21:05:00.002-08:00

if anyone hasn't noticed, exams are here. :)
i'm trying to secure a job in ljs, or fish and co., hopefully. i'll be co-workers with my sister, yahoo. and i just realised i've always had some stuff wrong. eileen's friend didn't get B, C and D, she got C, D and E. and she's in nus currently. so whatever, and dont try to tell me that it's different for this year's cohort.

has anyone been to a supermarket recently !? okay, in case u didn't know, i think supermarkets are very sexy(in a sweet kinda way) cuz that's where families and couples and such go to to buy groceries for their home, and they check out prices and new stuff and discuss what to buy and it's all very endearing. :) anyway my point is, CHRISTMAS IS COMING ! i was at the supermarket buying junk and then before i knew it i was singing along to a jolly christmas-y tune, and this indian guy behind me started doing a little skip-and-hop combination. (he thought i wasn't looking, but HAH!)

and this brings me to my next point, which is that exams suck and they're taking too long to pass.
shoo already.

and just to end off on a random note, i absolutely hate the word goodbye.

2006-11-11T21:05:00.001-08:00

2006-11-11T21:05:00.000-08:00

baby, you don't want me so what am i supposed to do?

2006-10-17T04:02:00.000-07:00

okay, i absolutely must say this, otherwise i won't have recess.
my sister deserves all the credit for helping me change my skin, and if u know hers, u'll realise that it's actually almost the same! she's so lazy. and if u think all the titles are weird, they're from ross and rachel and pheebs from friends. it's actually hilarious but we're probably e only ones who watched e dvds cuz everyone else is stuck on korean tear-jerkers.
so thanks YAH ~~famyong~~ fangying.

so anyway, i'm supposed to be studying (like how all my darn competitors are) but sometimes inertia overwhelms me and most of these times i don't put up a fight. like how, if u haven't heard, i went to rest for 5 minutes at 1030 last night, and the next thing i knew, it's 5:46am. no matter.

i figure i suck at keeping secrets from myself, and eventually i find out about it and then i'm tossed back to where people have long left. but the truth is i actually prefer it that way, because i'm forced to come to terms faster.

in any case, I HAVE ~~EXAMS~~ anyway.

2006-08-27T03:44:00.000-07:00

i can't believe i'm here.
i need to rant, see. recently i keep swinging between two extreme personalities, and actually i know that's only apparent to myself, because i don't like to talk about problems, because it's just easier to live that way. in any case, i keep grappling with age-old conflicts and issues like the choice between feelings and duty, and procrastination, denial, and even acceptance of denial. one day i'm me, other days i swear i'm him. as much as i hate it, i'll admit it. please just don't undermine my hatred.

there are some things i'll probably never say, so a little bird will sing to you.
the morning after.
it is painful, to be so close to someone, and yet as everything is happening all i can think is if u'll regret it in the morning. i'm sorry, i'm just really sorry.
sometimes i think, there are so many people in the world, how do u end up falling so hard for one person? and is it even rarer then, if the person loves you as well? how important are the conditions and circumstances under which this happens, if everything else is not right, do u turn your back on it or try to work things out?
most of us just run and hide.
i've done everything, sometimes at the same time, everytime with half-hearted effort.

i am so, so unwilling to let go.

2005-11-28T04:10:00.000-08:00

like anyone even comes here anymore.

i read this thing which this celebrity said on e papers, "as u grow older, u realize how completely boring it is to be so negative."

i had this issue going on in my head for a while, like how im being bugged by certain things but i choose not to let them affect my behavior or my mood. i wondered if it was being sensible or irresponsible in a way, since doing so was indirectly dismissing the issue totally. maybe i was stubborn or what but i didnt like to think that of myself, and then i read that comment.

and i realized i just didnt want to bore myself. :)

i haven't met my friends in a long time...

zedders, come out and play already !

i'd continue talking about the great wonderful beings that zedders are but

i'm gonna say sth quite cheesy again.

so i'll just wait till the reunion (make it happen LAH).

2005-06-19T03:43:00.000-07:00

'how much u love your sister. no. i love my sister a lot. fangying rocks. fanghui loves fangying so much that she can die for her. wo de yi ke xin muah muah. EH. -whine- i never whine hor. loser. -grunt- i never.. -furiously hits backspace key- crazy. i'm an indian. EH ! stop it laaa ! -nostrils flare- i never, is uuu !! -whimper whimper- mummy.. u better stop bullying me eh. -scribbles on the whiteboard- INITIAL D INITIAL D !! -hyperventilates- JAY CHOU JAY CHOU JAY CHOU !!' ----- love, fangying.

class reunion was fun. =D too bad ama and arina couldn't come, i was looking forward to making fun of them and getting made fun of. (we are all not racists, by the way. we've made peace.)

next time, we'll hang out somewhere without swans.

anita got fairer, jien grew taller (hur hur) and soum's. still taller, generally. ok i wanna talk about The Meat Place.

mich, anita cher and i went to this turkish thing at far east and we had some pistachio flavoured facial cream shit thing. mich recommended it and we were gonna hurl.

and anita went to order it so while e guy was scooping, she flirted. and he scooped, and scooped, and scooped. we were quite happy until we tasted it.

oh by the way, we went off without paying for the ice-cream. anita's idea, i think.

square sweets that look round.

2005-05-24T05:27:00.000-07:00

i rmb reading about charlie sometime ago.

i just wanna sit and stare at u.

i have some things to say.

if u really want something, u have to work hard to get it.

if u dont have e courage to say sth, dont say u dont have e courage to say sth.

if u're in a position to make someone happy, make someone happy.

and if u're hurting like me, let it go.

let's face it. there just isn't enough hearts for every one of us.

and oh yea. don't believe a word i say.

2005-05-02T01:21:00.000-07:00

what's e date today ?

so now what.. i've moved from my sandcastle to this place in yishun.

i hate it. a lil.

it's not that i'm spoilt. just. not very able to adapt.

but at least it's a bigger space and nearer to school.

which is innova, by e way.

and oh yea, im e cg rep.

like mr chow's loyal servant.

not very efficient though, but that's ok.

right ?

anyhoo. i'm sure nobody even comes to read this thing anymore cuz even i cant be so free.

unless u're a teacher. =D

OK JOKE.

i'll be very quiet.

2005-03-03T22:44:00.000-08:00

let's end it here.it sounds funny,like ending something that has taken place for too long that has added up and accounted for nothing much in the end.i let my guard down put myself in a vulnerable position and now i've been tossed aside. not that it's pitiful but it's funny. people always do this to themselves. they know what shit they're getting into but they put themselves through hell anyway.i guess that's what we did what am i saying im not sure but i know it doesnt matter cuz in e end it wont account for anything and it wont answer any of my questions and it wont make me feel better but it doesnt matter cuz in e end nothing really does.im updating now cuz im trying to get in e jae shit and it isnt cooperating much so i'll sit here and type and oh im talking to sam too and im trying to psycho her to go aj but we're talking about other stuff now and she put herself in a vulnerable position too.but i said it i told u i still want u and i dont want to let go but it didnt and it wont mean anything cuz uh huh has sort of a fullstop attached to it or maybe it just means shut up.shut e fuck up cuz it doesnt mean anything.and i cracked e coffee table in e living room cuz i banged my fists on it and im sorry tina but i used your compass.misused it.whatever that means.hopefully nobody comes here to read about my life anymore because.how do u say it.let's end it here uh huh

2005-01-22T04:47:00.000-08:00

so it's been a month.

oh well. =D got s c h o o l ma, and i'm busy..

(lazy)

there's this dude in school named feng rui, and im fang hui !

quite fun la, and this guy called watson.

he refuses to shave. =/

so anyway, econs quite rock !

up till now la, and e teacher's funny, like corn cone funny. =p

ok my sister's home and she wants to borrow my shorts.

like.

no.

2004-12-21T19:04:00.000-08:00

YO.

so i've taken forever to update. =p sorry hor.

don't really have much time to since i'm working and my supervisor is an effing idiot.

and yes, i'm working as a sales promoter

(really? NO SHIT.)

and im managing, thank u.

it's just that i have to stand e whole day for abt 8 to 9 hours.

but at least it's not manual labour like char's.

huahuahua, retail assistant my butt ah.

by the way, hotmail is such the little sucker.

why me, why now. effing shits.

2004-11-22T05:48:00.000-08:00

ok actually i had many things to update, but somehow i was too lazy.

but what else is new, right ? HUMPH.

stop shouting at me.

so anyway, went to stay over at char's place e other day and we played da lao er.

(ok, for those of u who dont know what that is cuz all u play is like chess and checkers, it's a game played with poker cards. heheh.)

and she was so bad at it ! =p

she's e only person i know who will put down a pair two and feel smart.

huahuahua.

yea, in case someone hasn't realised, e o's are over..

although i'm sure jien already told e whole world. =D

and i dyed my hair today ! it's a little light light light brown.

actually i didn't do it myself, i got my most trusted darling to do it.

good job babe !

2004-11-15T15:51:00.000-08:00

just came home from crystal jade, damn full.
(im fat enough already i know, but i can't help it !!)
sexay is out shopping for i-don't-know-what-cuz-it's-a-surprise...
boohoo. i miss her. (tell meee what u bought!)
okaay, my sis (MAID) has a new name, cecilia.
whee la. it was mighty fun cuz she's so. exotic ?
*roflmao*
and my parents made it worse cuz they said we should sit at separate tables next time-
her, and then everyone else. hoho.

does anyone wanna send me only one by yellowcard ?
uh. p l e a s e ? =)

2004-11-07T01:24:00.000-08:00

update, update. ok, so i've been slacking more than i should and that means i'm gonna die because i'm so effing stupid. but i can't be more slow than lind.

char and i went over to her place to study and her ma bought this box of sushi for us.

there were nine pieces, three salmon and three squid like things, plus three more i cant remember what, jellyfish shit or sth.

so.

char and i had ONE salmon EACH, that makes TWO. right ? so there would be ONE left, cuz THREE minus TWO equals ONE, yes ? everyone agrees ?

NO ! lindsay the weirdo doesn't !! she INSISTS, that she had one salmon herself, but that wouldnt make any SENSE would it ? cuz if she DID, then there would be no more left cuz (*drumroll) THREE minus THREE is ZERO !

and even though char and i SWORE we had ONE salmon EACH,

lind still INSISTED LIKE CRAZY that she had eaten ONE too.

how would that add up ? huh huh huh ?

whee la. and no matter how hard we tried to explain, she wouldn't belive us.

the girl has short term memory, for crying out loud.

2004-10-30T20:30:00.000-07:00

today, i found out that nobody loves me. even though i joke about it i know.
nobody does. but nobody knows, i hide it deep inside my ugly little heart and i pretend it's not mine. and now everyone will know but will it make a difference ? haha. i told someone i was crying last night and she said i'm ALWAYS acting.
i don't know why.
by the way, that someone is not her.
my eyelids were so swollen today, i looked like i was still asleep.
do u know i cry myself to sleep ?
u don't, but maybe u do. too.
but i love u. when i say so, i do.

2004-10-28T20:16:00.000-07:00

ok, i'm stressed. mighty. not to mention hungry. :/

i'm tired, don't u understand ?

was listening to get up kids, they're good !

went to study with sou and jien today, at u-know-where-cuz-where-else-can-we-go.

and jo, i don't care what u say, u still chose glenn over me. =p

singapore idol's on now, christopher can't sing for nuts.

Heroes don't do any good with tears in their eyes.

2004-10-24T21:04:00.000-07:00

A 16 year old girl with an 8 year history of chronic encephalitis was found holding her right eye in her hand. She told the nurse that the eye had spontaneously fallen out of her head while she was sleeping.

The patient seemed indifferent to the incident and did not complain of pain.

Two hours later she shouted and said that her left eye, which was on her bed, had also fallen out.

She initially denied gouging out her eyes, but several months later she said that she felt "hypnotized" at the time and that an irresistible urge made her do it.

This is a case study of a very severe self-mutilating patient.

2004-10-23T18:41:00.000-07:00

okaay, i only got a blog cuz i wanted to tell EVERYONE about the library. =p

my sister looks like an indonesian i promise !!

we went to e library and she wanted to borrow books but she lost her card and she couldn't.

so she had to use mine (what would she do without me.)

but e woman told her to get a new card and that she had to PAY a dollar.

then we went to this other counter to register and e woman there told us that:

singaporeans don't have to pay, all FREE. only foreigners have to PAY.

and i burst out laughing.